My Year
Well 2011 has been a year of definite change. As my old year draws to a close, my
thoughts always reach back to what has been & reaches forward to what might
become. May 2012 be a year Where God's love is seen, His peace is felt and His
power is demonstrated.
It is written
in 1 Corinthians 2:9-16
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what
God has prepared for those who love him but God has revealed it to us by his
Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God For who
among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In
the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God We have
not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we
may understand what God has freely given us This is what we speak, not in words
taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing
spiritual truths in spiritual words The man without the Spirit does not accept
the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him,
and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about
all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: "For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ."
As you read take
note when it says we have the mind of Christ, Let us put that on and 2012 and
will be different!! The next chapter goes on to say that we are children, we
are worldly, going in all directions, trying to gain the glory when all we do
is only worth which is built on Christ.
At the very start of the year my daughter had a
birthday and left for Australia to join the organization YWAM. She was gone for
6 months and went on a mission trip to Thailand. She grew so much and came home
with the hope that she will return next year full time.
During the time she left my niece and her family
came to stay for 3 months and it was such a blessing and helped fill the gap of
Kathryn. I loved having my family in the states with me and it definitely gave
me a taste for more. I began to see how I had changed a little from my roots
and wanted to reconnect with caring more about people again, asking deeper
questions in to those lives around me. That hasn’t been as easy as I thought as
it takes time and effort and an understanding that you sometimes have to get
involved in sticky situations as well as lovely ones.
I also stepped out of my own personal comfort zone
and put to rest my dream and hope of restoration with my ex-husband and fell in
love. I’ve written about both here before so if you want to read more look
back. But I have to say I am one blessed woman to have fallen in love twice
with men that I have called best friends. God works in mysterious ways and I
learn each day to trust Him more.
The end of my time in university came and with it
more change, more dreams and hopes for a different future. My son John
graduated and I was the proudest mother ever such a wonderful day. The summer
brought the returning of family to Scotland and myself for a few weeks, where I
love to be but this year my thoughts were back in America so I came home to my
daughter fresh from her travels, my family and my love with a happy heart.
I returned to substitute teaching and the hope of
building a photography business. I am a procrastinator I have found, and I get
caught up in the moments and the living of life, I helped friends and family,
but haven’t really gone forward with this dream, which I hope to next year.
Then came wedding plans, my son was marrying and
again one of my favorite days ever came and went, such an amazing day. They are
so in love and it was so special to witness their union, he looked so handsome
in his kilt and she looked stunningly beautiful in her lace dress. During this
time my brother Johnny came to marry them and he did a wonderful job and the
service was so beautiful and blessed by God as His presence was felt and is
still reaching people through a video that was filmed. A gift of this was that John
my ex has been much more responsive to his family and hopefully it will just
get stronger.
As the year drew to a close more changes came when
my two sons moved closer to each other but further from me. Kath plans to leave
at the end of January and so I was going to be empty nested but God had other
plans and a friend in need came with her son to live with us.
On Christmas Eve’s eve Paul proposed to Sarai so
next year I hope will bring more blessing into our lives. I already love Sarai
and think of her as a daughter so this was such a wonderful day for all of us
as we watched him propose, so much love shone from both and filled us with
happiness.
Now it is Hogmanay, the year is coming to an end
and with that thoughts flood my mind with how have I progressed and grown this
past year? I haven’t enough hours to change anything or learn anything more so
what has happened has to be left to stand for 2011. What were my hopes this
time last year? The Christmas season is a beautiful time of year for faith and
family but it’s also a time where stress and sadness comes as well. It’s a
tough time we are all doing different things. We get out of our routines.
However I have found that I have had such high points but also such dry points
in my walk this past year. I have been out of my routine in fact I haven’t had
much routine, so many changes…
If I were to ask God for a progress report of my
life last year, what might He say?
Chris started out shaky, developed some good
strong points, cast visions, developed relationships, grew in patience, and was
an encouragement and support to others but in doing so lost herself a little. She
became lacking in discipline and restraint losing her focus as she sometimes
focused on the wrong things. She was human…
This may sound weird but for a long time I thought
the Christian walk was getting easy, I was growing, not being tempted as much,
I was joyful if not always happy and tried to rise above my circumstances. I
thought wow I have found how to live my life. But I ask myself the question was
I really living life fully or just coasting until I was strong enough to
actually become active in my own life. Then I got so caught up in living that I
lost focus on God. Something I thought would never happen again. I got so busy
being there, being available, and then trying to play catch up. You can’t do
that. It will all come tumbling down if you try.
I’m wondering even now how can I fix this?
To the outside it may look as though everything is
continuing fine. I am in leadership at church, I have a cell group where the
members are growing in fact so much so that half of them will start the School
of ministry at church in January, which I could say I have been a part of
bringing them to. I have opened my heart and my home. However if they were to
peal back the layers and look inside they may see a very different picture.
They would see where I have failed, where I have let God and myself down. I
have preached in the past with passion that your quiet time with God is where
you are fed, where you grow, where your relationship is felt and lived. Where
the love is nurtured. I’m not saying that I don’t talk to Him, I’m saying I
play catch up, I play please forgive me again I’ve failed and let you down. Frustration,
anger, impatience, wrong thinking all the opposites of the fruits of the spirit
has invaded me.
In Galatians 5:22-Galations 6:18 it is written
“But the fruit of
the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who
belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and
desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the
Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Brothers, if
someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently.
But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way
you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is
nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then
he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one
should carry his own load. Anyone who receives instruction in the word
must share all good things with his instructor. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A
man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful
nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the
Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as
we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who
belong to the family of believers. See what large letters I use as I write to
you with my own hand! Those
who want to make a good impression outwardly are trying to compel you to be
circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the
cross of Christ. Not even those who are circumcised obey the law, yet they want
you to be circumcised that they may boast about your flesh. May I never
boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has
been crucified to me, and I to the world. Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision
means anything; what counts is a new creation. Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the
Israel of God. Finally,
let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be
with your spirit, brothers. Amen.”
As I read
this I am reminded that yes I am human, yes I have sinned, what I sow I will
reap but if you place it along side the verses in I Corinthians I can do better
when I put on the mind of Christ. We are not left without hope, but with
challenge, with a view of what we can do to improve. We are instructed
throughout His word how we can face this challenge. I know when I began to slip
was when I stopped making my quiet time where I would start my day giving my day to God in the morning a priority. Let 2012 be a year where I never let
this slip, where I present my day, my thoughts, my struggles, my hopes, my
plans, my strengths my weaknesses, into His loving care.
Let my
life in 2012 be a life set apart for His glory. Where my report card will be a
report of a growing relationship with Him, where I maybe human but I am also
Spirit. Where my spirit man is stronger than my fleshly man. Where I persevere
to overcome, keeping my eyes on the prize, of a life given over to God, is a
life lived as a child of God with all the privileges and responsibilities that
come along with that right.
What will
2012 hold for me? I know that Cliff, my love will teach me many things. Fruits
of the spirit that I have lacked he has shown me already, gentleness, kindness,
and goodness are all valued in his heart and are already changing me into a
better person. Have we to grow each of us together? Yes! Do I help him as much
as he helps me? I believe I do. I know that he is good for me and I for him. We
have a road to travel in faith and growth believing God has good plans
believing I Corinthians that we don’t know everything but we can have His mind
to teach, reach and lead us throughout 2012.
