My Journey Hit a Curve in the Road
What are my thoughts tonight! Over the last
few weeks there have been some changes for the good and it has set my emotions
going in a wee bit of a rollercoaster ride.
Along with John getting married there came
a change in feelings and treatment of the family from my ex-husband. My brother
after the wedding prayed for him and as a result of this and some other things,
he has been treating John and Kathryn in a much more relaxed and loving way and
I think he is starting to let some of the guilt go and is now able to just be
their dad. This is wonderful but along with this, it has left me with wow,
everyone is allowed to be his friend and love him but me. I was his best friend
but now he is the father of my kids and married again with one child and one on
the way to another woman and I am in love with a wonderful man but where does
that leave my emotions?
Some of you reading this may not even
understand why I am feeling this way. You may say but she’s in love, their dad finally
loves her family. Yes that’s true and wonderful but he was my best friend, my
husband whom for the last 10 years I have prayed for to repent and come back
into a relationship with the Lord and I don’t get to be part of it. I don’t
know how I feel and I don’t like that as I usually can work out where I am
coming from.
At first Kathryn felt a wee bit strange too
as she thought wow dad is changing but I am leaving, but she is enjoying the
change now and loving the open free way that they are able to communicate with
each other.
I do know this though God knew this
possibility, He loves me has blessed me with a wonderful love who allows me to
process and helps me by caring and loving me through it, so I again don’t have
to worry as I am loved and now get to love in return…
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