Joy Flows Freely...

I just can't comprehend my God's love for me, I am finally getting it the flying in God's freedom. 

It's restraint, protection and faith all covered in trust and love. He blew me out of the water last week. Just Blew me up!!!

I think my mind will explode as well as my spirit!!!

I don't know what to do but stay close, He is taking me on the adventure of a life time and I won't give up this for anything. Did you know God is so good! 

How do I express this joy without looking like a complete idiot? I want to climb the highest mountain and scream and dance and Love my God for His goodness towards me...

I feel like I'm walking in His glorious light and I will dance with Him!!!

Wow who knew what God would do, He asked me to give Him 3 years and I didn't know what for, I just knew I would. As the time past I wondered what it meant. I started to tell Him this better be noticeably huge. Last week a little of what it was was revealed. I just can't believe it.

I planted some seeds and they grew into strong, tall trees, Huge and with deep roots, Have you seen those trees that just blow your mind with their majesty and beauty, they have taken centuries to grow and you travel around the bend and they fill your view with their awesomeness. Can you picture the scene? That's what happened, I couldn't see but quickly it came into sight. Faith saw  what my God had provided while my emotions just exploded. God knew it before time began, now I see it, I can almost taste it, it's so real.

The scripture  "However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"- 1 corinthians 2:9 has become so real, my eye hadn't seen it, my ears hadn't heard it, it hadn't entered my heart, but God had, He knew, He loved me, His plans for me are exactly what He said, Huge, Good, Beautiful...

I am in awe at His goodness and the beauty of His plan. Do I know all ? No, not a chance, is there still walking it out in patience and yes even more Faith YES, but wow the Joy of the Lord will definitely be my strength. 

God has settled this in my spirit being for many many years, would I have accepted it back then, not a chance, but to see the story unfold and His plans revealed even a little, yes blows my mind into thousands of fragments, floating, shimmering, dancing in His light. 

How do I restrain myself from declaring His love to the mountains, the valleys and the oceans, I don't know, I picture my self just hugging myself and spinning, Do you hear my heart God, never let this go. Protect it, grow it deep and strong, for your honor and worship, Flow...Let your will be done in your timing. 

I come against the enemy of God with the power He has set in my Life, with the authority of his adoption.

Oh how my patience is wrought... I want it now, the three months left of the 3 years will be agony, I just know it, but with God we can do anything. 

Imagine longing for something a life time, never seeing any chance of an answer and then the bondage is broken and your spirit is released. How would you feel? Yes that's right Freedom under restraint for God's timing to come. 

Thats how I feel, yep Freedom under restraint, the emotions are immense, I just want to explode, literally, I have an excitement inside that is overwhelming, I have struggled with certain things and they have become insignificant. How can one instant change your life forever. Jump out of the boat, see His goodness and you'll get a glimpse! These feelings can only grow stronger, what do I do with them, I try and hold on, have you seen the scene in the movie of it's a wonderful life when he says do you want the moon,  to Mary

"It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary. 
Mary: I'll take it. Then what? 
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it'll all dissolve, see... and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair... am I talking too much? "

Yes I want to eat the moon, I think I already have and the moonbeams are shooting out, but not just with light but strong emotions exploding from my core being. 

I want to hold, be held, dance, sing, touch, feel, shout and jump, but all in God's perfect timing...

Does more healing have to occur, yes years of hurt take a long time, but God heals, His word promises it.

Having someone, friends, family along side to hold, care, trust, believe, and pray for you works, it does...

I challenge you to step out of the boat and see his goodness allow God to do the impossible/improbable  in your Life and walk on water. With the eyes of faith and trust in God, keeping your heart focused on Him you will not sink.

I promise you!!!

Breath, Trust, Be Active in your Own Life and Bathe in the Sunshine!!

I saw a plastic bag flying freely in the air , it floated in the warm currents of air, swooping and rising in the freedom that it found, then I saw a butterfly just dodging being hit by a car, it flew in between the traffic bouncing over the windshields. I just thought we can fly because of the air and the one who carries us no matter what  circumstances we find ourselves in or we can dodge bullets despite who we are made to be. Profound even if I do say so myself ! 


I awoke this week with a dream, which I thought was a nightmare. I walked through my bathroom door which had become an indoor swimming pool, stuff from my bedroom was floating about and I smiled to myself about my cheeky nephews and their childish adventure. Then glancing around I saw the worst sight. My daughter fully clothed, wearing winter clothes all bundled up was lying at the bottom, I jumped in and she was cold and stiff. My first thought she had committed suicide. I awoke shouting no no and the tears fell on my cheeks. I rushed to pray for her safety and scanned the pages of her Facebook to find her wonderfully smiling face. It left me shaken and questioning what it meant.


 Later when retelling the story I was given the interpretation. My daughter is in Australia at YWAM doing a Dts, and is about to leave for Thailand. She hurt for so long over her dad and I's split and how she felt unloved and abandoned and no longer his number one. This week she told me I should do a Dts and get healed totally. As she had done. 


 Thinking about this I knew she had died, died to her old self and chosen Life and Life more abundantly. A life filled with hope, healing and growth. The baggage that clothed her for so long was dead too. She was free. 


How great is our Father God....


I have been struggling with a few things and when I went out to lunch with a friend, she spoke wise words to me. Hard to hear but if taken freeing. She said she challenged me, that my marriage was dead, he walked away from me and God, that I should stop trying to resurrect the dead. It's like John used to say a dead carcass has been strapped to my back I thought I was carrying life, hope but it had chosen death and was now rotting  and eating into me. I had to move forward not be stiff necked from looking back. She continued to challenge me to be active in my life.


I love to sit and trust and not really move in some things like letting go of John, it's safer not to turn and face forward I know the past , the future is kind of scary. But how if I keep dreaming of freedom will I reach it without actually stepping out of the boat and actually trusting God that the water will hold me.


Two future or maybe even more are in my dreams, challenged to go for it has made me think of my daughter, she chose new birth, death to her old self and life to her future. How wonderful is that. She amazes me, I am so proud of her, she blesses my heart so much. I miss her but love her for going for it. To see her fly is such a joy in my life. I love it. But I can't just watch her live her life and see mine die, I'm young and vibrant too, my 48th birthday is just around the corner. This has been a long 10 years. I chose Life.

No longer choosing the empty, corroded boxes but looking to my God, who knows His plans for me, good plans for my good.

I chose to dance with God despite the circumstances I find myself in. I move Forward...