My Year

My Year

Well 2011 has been a year of definite change. As my old year draws to a close, my thoughts always reach back to what has been & reaches forward to what might become. May 2012 be a year Where God's love is seen, His peace is felt and His power is demonstrated.

It is written in 1 Corinthians 2:9-16

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment: "For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ."

As you read take note when it says we have the mind of Christ, Let us put that on and 2012 and will be different!! The next chapter goes on to say that we are children, we are worldly, going in all directions, trying to gain the glory when all we do is only worth which is built on Christ.

At the very start of the year my daughter had a birthday and left for Australia to join the organization YWAM. She was gone for 6 months and went on a mission trip to Thailand. She grew so much and came home with the hope that she will return next year full time.

During the time she left my niece and her family came to stay for 3 months and it was such a blessing and helped fill the gap of Kathryn. I loved having my family in the states with me and it definitely gave me a taste for more. I began to see how I had changed a little from my roots and wanted to reconnect with caring more about people again, asking deeper questions in to those lives around me. That hasn’t been as easy as I thought as it takes time and effort and an understanding that you sometimes have to get involved in sticky situations as well as lovely ones.

I also stepped out of my own personal comfort zone and put to rest my dream and hope of restoration with my ex-husband and fell in love. I’ve written about both here before so if you want to read more look back. But I have to say I am one blessed woman to have fallen in love twice with men that I have called best friends. God works in mysterious ways and I learn each day to trust Him more.

The end of my time in university came and with it more change, more dreams and hopes for a different future. My son John graduated and I was the proudest mother ever such a wonderful day. The summer brought the returning of family to Scotland and myself for a few weeks, where I love to be but this year my thoughts were back in America so I came home to my daughter fresh from her travels, my family and my love with a happy heart.

I returned to substitute teaching and the hope of building a photography business. I am a procrastinator I have found, and I get caught up in the moments and the living of life, I helped friends and family, but haven’t really gone forward with this dream, which I hope to next year.

Then came wedding plans, my son was marrying and again one of my favorite days ever came and went, such an amazing day. They are so in love and it was so special to witness their union, he looked so handsome in his kilt and she looked stunningly beautiful in her lace dress. During this time my brother Johnny came to marry them and he did a wonderful job and the service was so beautiful and blessed by God as His presence was felt and is still reaching people through a video that was filmed. A gift of this was that John my ex has been much more responsive to his family and hopefully it will just get stronger.

As the year drew to a close more changes came when my two sons moved closer to each other but further from me. Kath plans to leave at the end of January and so I was going to be empty nested but God had other plans and a friend in need came with her son to live with us.

On Christmas Eve’s eve Paul proposed to Sarai so next year I hope will bring more blessing into our lives. I already love Sarai and think of her as a daughter so this was such a wonderful day for all of us as we watched him propose, so much love shone from both and filled us with happiness.

Now it is Hogmanay, the year is coming to an end and with that thoughts flood my mind with how have I progressed and grown this past year? I haven’t enough hours to change anything or learn anything more so what has happened has to be left to stand for 2011. What were my hopes this time last year? The Christmas season is a beautiful time of year for faith and family but it’s also a time where stress and sadness comes as well. It’s a tough time we are all doing different things. We get out of our routines. However I have found that I have had such high points but also such dry points in my walk this past year. I have been out of my routine in fact I haven’t had much routine, so many changes…

If I were to ask God for a progress report of my life last year, what might He say?

Chris started out shaky, developed some good strong points, cast visions, developed relationships, grew in patience, and was an encouragement and support to others but in doing so lost herself a little. She became lacking in discipline and restraint losing her focus as she sometimes focused on the wrong things. She was human…

This may sound weird but for a long time I thought the Christian walk was getting easy, I was growing, not being tempted as much, I was joyful if not always happy and tried to rise above my circumstances. I thought wow I have found how to live my life. But I ask myself the question was I really living life fully or just coasting until I was strong enough to actually become active in my own life. Then I got so caught up in living that I lost focus on God. Something I thought would never happen again. I got so busy being there, being available, and then trying to play catch up. You can’t do that. It will all come tumbling down if you try.

I’m wondering even now how can I fix this?

To the outside it may look as though everything is continuing fine. I am in leadership at church, I have a cell group where the members are growing in fact so much so that half of them will start the School of ministry at church in January, which I could say I have been a part of bringing them to. I have opened my heart and my home. However if they were to peal back the layers and look inside they may see a very different picture. They would see where I have failed, where I have let God and myself down. I have preached in the past with passion that your quiet time with God is where you are fed, where you grow, where your relationship is felt and lived. Where the love is nurtured. I’m not saying that I don’t talk to Him, I’m saying I play catch up, I play please forgive me again I’ve failed and let you down. Frustration, anger, impatience, wrong thinking all the opposites of the fruits of the spirit has invaded me.

 In Galatians 5:22-Galations 6:18 it is written

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load. Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor. Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand! Those who want to make a good impression outwardly are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. Not even those who are circumcised obey the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your flesh. May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation. Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the Israel of God. Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers. Amen.”

As I read this I am reminded that yes I am human, yes I have sinned, what I sow I will reap but if you place it along side the verses in I Corinthians I can do better when I put on the mind of Christ. We are not left without hope, but with challenge, with a view of what we can do to improve. We are instructed throughout His word how we can face this challenge. I know when I began to slip was when I stopped making my quiet time where I would start my day giving my day to God in the morning a priority. Let 2012 be a year where I never let this slip, where I present my day, my thoughts, my struggles, my hopes, my plans, my strengths my weaknesses, into His loving care.

Let my life in 2012 be a life set apart for His glory. Where my report card will be a report of a growing relationship with Him, where I maybe human but I am also Spirit. Where my spirit man is stronger than my fleshly man. Where I persevere to overcome, keeping my eyes on the prize, of a life given over to God, is a life lived as a child of God with all the privileges and responsibilities that come along with that right.

What will 2012 hold for me? I know that Cliff, my love will teach me many things. Fruits of the spirit that I have lacked he has shown me already, gentleness, kindness, and goodness are all valued in his heart and are already changing me into a better person. Have we to grow each of us together? Yes! Do I help him as much as he helps me? I believe I do. I know that he is good for me and I for him. We have a road to travel in faith and growth believing God has good plans believing I Corinthians that we don’t know everything but we can have His mind to teach, reach and lead us throughout 2012.