So many Thoughts...

So Many Thoughts…

It’s funny I started to write this blog and opened up my email to check something and a friend with a need showed up. I was thinking about justification and how what we do for good sometimes isn’t appreciated and how sometimes even lies are spoken and you feel your pride rushing in and God just says stop, instead of justifying just love. He told me a long time ago that I’ve got to stop trying to let everyone see what’s inside and what I believe of myself and just let Him show but I find that hard to do so I take the reigns and start to take control. Even though I know that He knows better.

So tonight I leave it to Him coz He knows better and He knows bigger. For the past 10 plus years I have been on my own and He has been my husband, my friend, my comforter, my provider, my encourager, my support and so much more. I’ve never had a need that He hasn’t met, be it financial, emotional, or relational. Money has been provided, feelings and hurts have been felt and healed and I have had many people speak into my life and also be there in practical ways too. I have come from a place of complete brokenness to complete healing.

If you have followed my story, you’ll know that I have had friends who have been there for seasons and friends who have been there the whole time. Each is very dear to my heart. From the beginning till now there was Bobby and Shannon, Cliff and Pam, Margaret and Alex, Willie and Isabelle, Cheri, Jenny, Helen, Ramsey, Joyce and Walt, The divorce care couple, Mona, and Jim, Joyce and Callum, John and Rachelle, Lori, Lisa, Lee and Robyn, Len and Tita, Rosemary and Pat, Sam and Susanna, Stephanie, John, Paul, Sarai and Kathryn and many more supported me in prayer for which I am so grateful. Each of them loved and spent time and was needed in my life to bring me to where I am today.

I believe the Lord doesn’t ever want us to go this journey alone. We all need support, encouragement and love. There were days when I didn’t want to get up and my phone would ring and I was encouraged to get up. I have cried and laughed, argued and fought but they still loved me. I am truly blessed.

Now comes a new day and I’m only days from my wedding and I have many people who want to and are celebrating along side Cliff and I. I wanted a very simple wedding and when you have many friends who want to help I know it will all come together perfectly. Again I am extremely thankful and truly blessed.

Tonight I went to leadership and they were talking about the future of the church and I know I am moving away and leaving my cell group and family and it comes with bittersweet thoughts and emotions. I’ve done this before, fallen in love with my church family and had to leave them, but each time God has a plan and works it all out so I have to believe He has this time too. I call this the wrap up my emotions and close down time because you are neither in the future or in the past and are trying to cope with all the emotions you are feeling. Visions are still being set but you are no longer a part of them. It’s tough when you love, to let go. Pastor Sam spoke about change in that of renewing. In away that’s what I’m doing, maybe I’m getting a second chance to work in a church that I thought of as my baby. It’s been along time, it’s grown and changed so much and most people don’t know me but I get to go back and be a part of them. I don’t know what will happen. It’s the next part of my journey.

My daughter in law Stephanie was talking about a plant that grows at my front door (they are going to rent my house while I am gone) and she was asking if she could she it out. I had told them to treat the house as their own to make it theirs and so I said it’s yours to do with what you want but asked her why? She said that it looked more dead than alive. I know she wasn't being negative just realistic and honest. I love how we have such a close relationship that she can speak from her heart like that! When I bought the house one of the things that I loved was the archway of flowers at my front door. When I look at that archway I see potential. There is still growth even though it has to make its way over the dead. I realized I really am a person who sees the glass half full. Yes maybe I see the past as well as the present but I see the future too. I asked her if I could dig it up and take it with me and immediately I started to plan what I would do with it, and how I would look after it much more tenderly than I had done. Will that happen I hope so but I don’t really know but I have to try. I remember when I sold my first home,there was honeysuckle and I loved it and I didn’t take it with me and when I came back to visit it had been ripped out and cemented over. Not everyone sees as you do, I always regretted not taking it with me but had to let it go. There is always change, new people with new vision, and you can either stew about what you’re letting go or move forward and see the adventure that lays ahead. I choose adventure.  

I know that I no longer go this adventure alone but I have Cliff, I have love and I have my best friend, my love, God who knows all things and who has even bigger dreams and plans than I could ever imagine or hope for so I don’t have to have fear but I can have passion, and excitement about what is about to happen.